i don't like sucking hair
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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