last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
