They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
only you would photoshop your dick
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
