Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
