wanna go halves on a baby?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Randomize
