the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
ttyl tear gas
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
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