Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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