I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
