im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
