Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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