Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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