So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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