She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
