I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
