Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
