You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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