I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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