oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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