i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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