Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
