i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
