I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
