you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
