went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
