I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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