you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
