I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
