thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
