We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
