C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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