my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
