my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
