i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Randomize
