I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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