I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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