At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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