My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
