If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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