You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
