Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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