How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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