I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
