My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
