man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
