took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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