I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
