It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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