In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
