Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
