She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
