they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
