I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
