remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
